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Getting Married Over 40

Updated: Mar 19

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Today I Googled “bride over 40” and what the G-gods presented me with was innumerable websites telling what wedding dresses were suitable for me. The whole first page showed links to lists like “modest wedding dresses for mature brides” or “best wedding dresses for older brides”. What the actual?

Ok so maybe that was the wrong search, let’s try “weddings over 40”. You get “tips & tricks for middle-aged weddings” or “how to plan the perfect second wedding”. Depressing isn’t it. You don’t feel middle-aged and it may well be your first trip down the aisle.

Is 40 mature, or middle-aged, or neither?

Do you hate the word “mature” as much as I do? To me it implies serious, dowdy, out of touch and generally not much fun. I mean, maybe not always, but in this context, where some Gen Y running a wedding blog is suggesting what is appropriate for me to wear to my own wedding. Yeah, nah.

My point being, is that the wedding industry is totally geared toward the bright young things of our age. All the marketing, all the blogs, all the social media, ALL THE THINGS are reaching out to couples in their 20’s and early 30’s. If I try to seek out more thoughtful, sophisticated, intelligent and (for want of a better word) adult wedding vendors I’m simply told what dresses I can’t wear.

Now, I’m not meaning to detract from the professionalism and talent of the vendors in their 20’s and 30’s. They are very good at what they do and they connect perfectly with younger couples; but will they be in sync with couples who’ve been around the block a few more times? Will they get you?

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Many more first marriages over 40.

Once upon a time, almost everyone getting married for the first time was in their early 20’s. Most weddings for the over 40’s were second time around, low-key affairs; probably at the registry office as the church wasn’t keen on marrying divorced people.

I see getting married later in life as a real bonus. You know who you are, you know your partner probably won’t change much. You know what you want out of life and what you think is worth celebrating.

You understand that who is there and how you feel is WAY more important than having bows on every chair or buying matching satin robes for your bridesmaids. If you even have them.

You have the confidence to wear what you like, invite who you want and probably put on your own makeup. I mean, check out the Facebook wedding pages to see how many make-up artists went to the Napoleon school of drag-queen (not an original quote, my hairdresser said it to me this week). Again, there are good ones out there too, but you probably know what suits you and don’t want to just copy the latest eyebrow trend.

Getting Married Later in Life

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When I’m approached by older couples (and I married two couples in their 60’s last year) they always say “something simple” but after a few chats I discover what they really mean is something meaningful and memorable rather than playing “rock paper scissors” to see who says their vows first or making a “unity sandwich” from their favourite ingredients and eating it as part of the ceremony.

Getting married is still a really big deal, and very important to them. They want words that mean something to them personally. They often want to involve their adult children or grandchildren. They want to include wedding traditions that have meaning to them as a couple and leave out the rest – or turn them around into something that will leave a lasting impression on their families.

I’m also guessing, that if you’re over 40, or maybe 50 or 60 you don’t necessarily want a celebrant a whole heap younger than you. I’ll put on a nice frock, a bit of lippy and wash my hair. If people are looking at me, I’m not doing my job properly. I can absolutely 100% guarantee you’ll be taller than me. Without heels.

More importantly, I will connect with you and your guests. I speak many languages. Boomer and Gen X fluently, I have a fair bit of Gen Y (my own kids) some millennial (my step-kids) and can still remember a smattering of toddler once I get my ear back in.

Why don't you book a chat and we can toss around a few ideas?

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